Dwarf Fortress Stories
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Well fuck moments #1

19 July 2012, 09:45 Rating: 4 [+]

Ok. So I started a fortress, everything was going smoothly, but I hadn't built a farm yet. I only noticed this after my dwarves became unhappy. They didn't have food! So I tried to build a farm, started building, and it took a while to get done, but it did. Now I'm waiting for the food to grow, and my dwarves are throwing tantrums and dying. But, one of they had a fey, and he now makes awesome wooden things! So a caravan comes, and think, OFUCK MY CHANCE TO SURVIVE! ILL JUST TRADE THIS SUPER VALUABLE STUFF! One of my guys had just died, and his clothes were worth sooo much! So I bought a ton of food, and I press trade. 'Once a beautiful tree, now? etc.' and he refused to trade, even though there was over 1000$ worth of stuff. I removed the wooden things, and they refused to trade still. Now all my dwarves, 51 mind you, threw tantrums and died. Fuck. STUPID ELVES!

Doran

16 July 2012, 08:05 Rating: 5 [+]

"v,"v".v",vvv",.@,.v"vv,v""
Doran floated disembodied above a scene of unimaginable carnage. They were everywhere, the cave voles, and not a plump helmet remained unscathed. Bits and pieces of their torn purple flesh lay in the mud -- no, these voles did not eat everything they killed! It is a dream, a dream! Doran thought, but he remained in that exact place, fixed in that posture, branded to the dank air as the massacre continued for what seemed like an age.
The dwarf awoke in a cold sweat. Casting aside his bedding, he ran out of his room without putting on his boots. He had to see it -- he had to see the farm!

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Tags: ascii reward

Evil place

16 July 2012, 08:03 Rating: 0 [+]

kkkkss~~~c@~~~
The terrible sun baked the cracked earth below as Aliz staggered on. The caravan left him for dead after a skeletal bear attack. It must have been an ancient being, from when this dry land was once green and alive. Now the undead were all that crawled here. One foot in front of another, that was the only way. The dwarf wrapped a scarf around his beard to keep out the dust. Ahead was a steep dune.
As Aliz approached the mountain of sand, the tracks of the caravan disappeared. There was no wind to erase the tracks. No, some evil was at work here. He went down to inspect the tracks and jerked his hand back just in time. A cobra! It shouldn’t be here. Nothing lives in these wastes. He dove out of the way as a dozen scorpions flew through the air straight at him. This could mean only one thing.
Desert kobolds.

Tags: ascii reward

A short guide to traps (made by Tim Denee)

16 July 2012, 06:37 Rating: 20 [+]

Find the dragon, kill the dragon, eat the dragon

16 July 2012, 06:23 Rating: 4 [+]

Tequil Isundopod Joricusic Lega aka Tequil Basicpractices the Dispersed Executioner of Parity was a badass human who was born in 92 and was given to killing everything everywhere with his mace.
Kima Warmthhot the Luxury of Gems was a female dragon who killed One Hundred fourteen luckless souls and was some kind of dragon tramp because she had a shitload of kids but had no idea who their daddy was.
Tequil received the quest to track down and end the dragons reign of terror so he began to assemble his crack team of sacrificial lambs warriors.
Once everyone was geared up, they made the two day journey to the brand of sizzling which was the dragons lair. As they made their way down the ramp the band of warriors failed to notice that Tequil had begun to sneak and was falling back to the rear of the pack.

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How to kill zombie animals for dummies

16 July 2012, 06:07 Rating: 6 [+]

Singlefierce, the first victim of the haunted taiga recorded by the expedition, former wagon-pulling yak cow, current champion of the undead hordes, scourge of Graniteplan and the One Thing pushing me under the earth finally fell.
To a sad, world-worn little coot whose only joy in life was his crossbow. He was lost in society, so he turned to understanding small game instead. He understood them well enough, he supposed. A little practice.
He made it to an outpost preparing for a siege. All arrivals were interviewed to assess their martial capability and poor old Alåth's familiarity with the kingdom standard light crossbow put him in charge of two fresh recruits. The guard captain did an awful lot of side-glancing on that announcement. Maybe the rookies were the type to learn from example.

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I'm a surgeon

15 July 2012, 15:11 Rating: 4 [+]

Tags: pictures

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