Dwarf Fortress Stories
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Pants

31 May 2013, 08:53 Rating: 9 [+]


Flifithribus, Eater of Trolls

02 May 2013, 22:54 Rating: 12 [+]

Going through legends mode on a newly generated medium history world, I discovered that a Goblin by the name of Anu Nastydoom had played quite a role in the early years of Thadar En. One of the first of his kind, he began as a metalworker but rose to the position of general. He saw his people through three major wars, all of which they won, and even descended into the depths of the earth to tame the Giant Rats that lived there as allies.

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Rise and fall of the 2nd Fortress

23 April 2013, 21:11 Rating: 9 [+]

With an enormous effort, achieved a two level fortress.
A working farm, four fully operative workshops, a decent dining hall, several bedroom for common dwarf and a luxurious apartment for my one and only noble.

Everything works fine 'til the underground cistern of fresh water.

Flood. Flood everywhere.
Entire second floor is doomed.
Every dwarf escape to an under construction wing on the first floor.
No casualties. Luckily.

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Child vs. goblin

20 February 2013, 11:22 Rating: 14 [+]

In one of my many fun fortresses I had a child dwarf wandering outside helping hunt (or atleast i think he was). Suddenly a goblin thief appears and begins to run. The thief is caught by 2 war dogs who managed to tear a ligament in the thief's leg. The thief spins around and stabs the first dog in the skull killing it instantly. The second dog is heavily wounded and suffocating by the next attack.

This is where it gets good. The child goes into a bloody rage. He grabs the goblin by the back 4th tooth (very specifically) and slams the goblin to the ground. The child proceeds to pummel the crap out of the goblin while still holding this tooth. He even goes to the point that he bites off 3 of the goblin's toes. After a very very severe beating from this child, the is relieve by my military (who were on the otherside of the map). They swifly beheaded the goblin.

When this kid came of age he became a militia commander, who was given a tomb worthy of a king. Emerald encrusted platinum sarocophogas surrounded by masterpeices statiues.
Though I can't honestly remember what he died to.

Dorf Rollercoaster Tycoon

23 July 2012, 07:24 Rating: 9 [+]

I can see it now.
Urist cancels ride rollercoaster: too intense.
Urist cancels ride rollercoaster: not paying that much.
Urist cancels leave park: wants to go on rollercoaster again.
Urist admires rollercoasters for their intensity. He has recently ridden on a really good value ride. He has recently endured disgusting paths. He recently hoped that they have good maintenance.
Urist has created "Raperape The surprise sex of Goblinfaeces", an adamantine rollercoaster!
The VIP Urist has come! A short, sturdy creature fond of rollercoasters with high excitement levels.
The Forgotten Beast RapeFaeces has come! A faeces monsters which menaces with spikes of faeces. Beware his discount tickets for your rides!
In 1050, Urist became obsessed with building the perfect rollercoaster.
In 1051, the god Faecesmurder cursed Urist with riding a rollercoaster for all eternity in Faecesfaeces The Faeces of Faeces.
The ride Raperape The surprise sex of Goblinfaeces has broken down: exit destroyed by Troll.

Tags: humor

Well fuck moments #3

19 July 2012, 09:53 Rating: 11 [+]

Had a sweet statue garden in the middle of my fort, and I thought it would be awesome if I had rivers of water and magma making paths through the hall. I set the whole thing up, and then figure the coolest centerpiece would be an artifact statue surrounded by a ring of gold statues, surrounded by a moat of magma.
Awesome.
So I dig out the magma level, carefully set up a flood gate so I can turn it off, wait for the magma to fill up the level and then carve out the paths for the river.

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Well fuck moments #2

19 July 2012, 09:47 Rating: 5 [+]

Just had a WELL FUCK moment not two hours prior.
I had about a 100-dorf fort (at a 50-pop cap, mind you) running. Now, this fort was unlike most other dwarven expeditions you would hear about. Instead of tunneling underground and building vast structures just under the surface, this expeditionary party tunneled all the way to the first cavern they found and set up shop there.
It was looking to be successful; I had seven dwarves to start off with, and we just hit the floor of a plateau in the cavern. I immediately set my mason off to work, sealing off the entrances to the plateau, and my miner began to dig into the sheer wall that bordered half o' the cavernous outcrop. My woodcutter and my hunter, the sole dwarves of my militia, were tasked with the charge of the rest of the expedition. Their only task insofar was to ensure that none of the dwarves met their doom prematurely.

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