Dwarf Fortress Stories

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Simple task

18 June 2012, 12:27 Rating: 7 [+]

I tell my dorf: "Hey, go put that harmless unarmed GOBLIN into the pit".
Dorf says: "Right you are sir. One GOBLIN in a pit coming right up."
Opens cage.
Dorf runs off like a fucking idiot, leaving the Goblin to wander aimlessly around the fortress, until it either runs into one of my war hounds or falls into one of my cage traps and is caught again.
Rinse, repeat.

Tags: quotes

Tantrum spiral

18 June 2012, 12:21 Rating: 1 [+]

I embarked on a volcano in the middle of one of my seas, pretty cool location, magma stack 20 z-level vertical cliffs surrounding a cove on the beach, with crazy steep hills to the top of the volcano. Cave system is equally steep and cramped, just huge pits for the most part. Since it is an island theres been no ambushes/sieges, and only the occasional forgotten beast. Traders would arrive in the late autumn when the bay would freeze over. Its been a pretty peaceful fort, until recently that is. I decided that i was going to build an obsidian lighthouse/tomb off the beach of my fort. Complete with a burning pile of lignite objects at the top floor to be a beacon.

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18 June 2012, 12:08 Rating: 7 [+]

I once had a dorf in adventure mode who lost his left foot to a troll or ettin, or something with butchers knife, anyway, he was on ground day to day, everyday. Even though he was horribly slow I played him anyway and I wanted to visit mountainhomes so badly I went on a journey north meeting goblins on the way.
Imagine a footless dorf laying on the ground covered by two steel shields biting the shit of goblins legs. And it worked, I lived through two packs of goblin ambushers, and a kobold ambush, but it doesn't matter. What matters is the style I lived through this.

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Absolute hell

18 June 2012, 10:46 Rating: 3 [+]

Back when glowing pits still existed i had a greater demon rip my entire fortress a new asshole. A miner uncovered the bottom level of the pit, i didn't even know there was adamantine on the map until he dug into the pit and got instantly gibbed from the demon. I failed to secure the stairs so i assembled the entire fortress into a rag tag band of recruits with no weapons or armor. They piled into the hallway adjacent to the top of the stairs. When the demon emerged he blew a fireball at the crowd and killed 15 of the 20 dudes sitting there. The rest were injured severely. I only had about 10 dwarves left who were all raging and tantruming at the same time. I had managed to equip a few of them with weapons, which just made killing each other easier. After some slaughter the last three dwarves were all running around mad about their friends dying when the demon approached. He bitchslapped one into a wall, turning him into a fine red mist. Another got swiped by a fireball and had a leg severely injured. The final dorf was raging so hard he tossed his sword straight through the demon's head, splattering his black goo all over the dining room. After killing the demon he went over to the injured dorf, strangled him to death and then starved himself, ending the fortress. It was a ride while it lasted.

Tags: pandemonium


18 June 2012, 10:29 Rating: 3 [+]

BritDwarves: Every crafter is a crossbowDwarf, the rest are your glorious men-at-arms, who handle cattle, farming and management.
JapDwarves: Dwarves with management skills get full kit, training, and no physical jobs. Everyone else gets axe/spear as good conscripts.
300Dwarves: Everyone has mandatory wrestling. Uniform is only Shield and Spear. Create your own hot gates. NEVER SURRENDER.
VikingDwarves: They live in turfs (workshops, dormitory and cattle in one). Create semi-sufficient groups/clans when digging. Create middle area where goods are stocked and traded.
FinnDwarves: Only shallow digging. Survive on cattle, booze and crafts (mostly bone and wood). Everyone gets a shortsword and wrestles, preferably in a sauna or lake.
ADDorf: must make all rooms symmetrical, hallway must have even number of wall on either side (WWWdoorWWW) no filth allowed everything must have their own stockpile.
QuaryDorf: Only way to mine is with a quarry thats always exposed.
Fight Club: Conscript each 1-3 waves. Make a meeting area with shared barracks in the middle (make it visible!). Training at low threshold all year round so there is always dorfs fighting while the rest watch

Adventurer mode can be harsh

18 June 2012, 10:19 Rating: 4 [+]

I had a dwarf decked out in steel plate with an axe soaked with the blood of all the mythical creatures he had killed, including dragons and legendary beasts. He was on his way to slay some great evil someplace, got ambushed by goblins at night and took a crossbow bolt in his back, piercing the lung or heart. He at least managed to chop his attacker's head off and fell a few other goblins before he bled out.

Last dwarven city

18 June 2012, 09:59 Rating: 6 [+]

This is the year 1060 or so in my game, and there are no big Dwarven civs left. Just wandering bands. I'm the only dwarven city left alive. And I'm impregnable.

The humans ask why I do it, when there might be more profit in the mountains. The elves scoff at my idiocy — though they show up every year to buy my goods, even after an entire caravan of theirs was taken out by gobbos.

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