The Trials and Frustrations of Prince Darvid Part 1

This is a tale of the trials and frustrations of Prince
Darvid, that being the Swedish spelling of David, that being me, and his valiant attempts at creating a dwarven settlement and turning it into a mighty stronghold of wealth and power. Fortunately, Prince Darvid was aided by an elven wizard who was in possession of three wondrous artifacts as well as some interesting spells, The first artefact was a crystal ball that let him
communicate instantly with that great Dwarven fount of knowledge, their council of sages and scholars known as the Wiki. The second was a strange artefact known
as the Tardis, also known as “The backup save” in Elvish, which when the need was great enough enabled them to go back in time and avert dire circumstances.
This basically meant that Prince Darvid’s Fortress died a hundred times, instead of only once. The third artefact was another crystal ball, only this one allowed them to see anywhere in the fortress or its surroundings, even if
no dwarf was present. It was this third great artefact that granted Prince Darvid great insight into why there were so many wars between the Dwarves and the Elves, and why dwarves will cheerfully burn every last tree into charcoal
just to spite the elves and hopefully spark a war.

One fine morning Prince Darvid and seven stout companions set off from the Mountainhome to start a new settlement. Their destination was a place in the wilds near some mountains, in a temperate area, and it  had a river but no aquifer. Upon arrival, they discovered that it was full of trees and a myriad of interesting and useful plants, a place with thick soil and loam but good rock underneath. Prince Darvid immediately set his dwarves to digging into the side of a hill away in the opposite direction to the river, as he didn’t want their diggings to be flooded by accident. In short order they duck out some stockpiles, a beerhall,
and a barracks and then proceeded to haul all the goods from the wagon indoors.

The first year went fairly smoothly, they cut down a lot of trees and the carpenter was working full time making all kinds of useful items. They built workshops and farms, and began fishing; they harvested a lot of plants and began brewing and cooking. They dug deep through the loam until they hit the rock layers where they found plenty of gems, which filled them with delight, though no metals which was a concern. They dug deeper and deeper
still, and while they found plenty of lead and silver ore they found no other metals and most disturbing of all they found no iron. It seemed Fort Morullibash would be rich but not strong. Not unless they could trade.

In the Autumn the Dwarven Caravan came and went, but brought no iron ore.

In the winter the river froze, and the dwarves went thirsty. They were told to brew some beer, but to this suggestion they objected strongly and repeatedly, stating that there were no clean vessels in which to store said alcohol. Prince Darvid flew into a rage. “Well then, wash some bloody dishes!” he roared. “Clean some pots! Scrub some barrels! What am I your mother? I’m busy trying to drain this pool, purify it through a screwpump if the damn mage can figure out how that works, and build a well! I am very busy doing important dwarven engineering so we don’t all die. Don’t bother me with such trivialities!”

But the dwarves refused to scrub barrels, stating that they’d rather drink vomit. Sighing, Prince Darvid ordered some more barrels and buckets to be made. However, as the long nights passed as they waited for the spring thaw, it appeared that his dwarves indeed did prefer vomit to any other drink, indeed it had become a favourite beverage.

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