Dwarf Fortress Stories

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Crash Course Funtime Baby Oh Yeah Armok 05

02 June 2016, 17:40 Rating: 4 [+]

Urist mc iiztimliderr, the expedition leader of team...is sick and tired of being sick and tired of having to see the tiny fort that he oversees suffer from famine. Day and night, da dorfs went on a constant venture on scavanging any piece of food left they can find within the proximity of the fort. The livestock have all been reduced to bones and skull from its original juicy-porky-oinking state, the seeds of the crops have all been used up to feed the people, those who were planted were long abandoned by the now dead farmers who put sweat, tears, and dorf booze in the hope of saving the fort, the childrens...OOOH! THE CHILDRENS, WONT SOMEONE CARE FOR THE CHILDRENS...the ambitious project that was assigned to the dorfs was never near its completion, so Urist thought that if he flood the land, the dorfs could finally be saved by the vegetation growth.

He took the initiative to make 2 watermills and pumps to flood the lands from nearby river, and so he did. The irrigation project produce its fruit of hard labour, plants are growing here and there, and the childrens...the brats no longer have to fight over the last celery stick... this was going all well (he was even titled as civic hero and was awarded with a meager office and a !!mug!!, MUGS man! Dorf loves mugs...) until...the waters started to creep unto the fort, they are now in danger of flood. An engineer, Urist mc Issac Clarke, was tasked on a perlious mission to deconstruct the machinery that brought them gifts, and now, their impending doom.

He set out immidiately onto the plains heading towards the pump complex, he tumbled a few time on 5/7 waters as he kept putting his stubby dorf foot one after another (and gained a certificate for being the first dabbling swimmer in the fort). As he finally reach the twin watermill turbin, he set out to work immeditely, deconstructing it as fast as a champion beak dog racer on the neighboring goblin racing colloseum. Turbin 1, DONE! =D he then moved onto the next, as he was half way toring the thing down, he slipped, and fall into the water current onto the 2nd turbin, sending him propelled 5 cells down through the water jet. Determined on finishing the task he was trusted on, he climbed back up. Dorfs being dorfs, never learning their retarded mistakes, slipped and fell through the same hole, in the same location...3...times...in which at the end of the day, he said DUCK YOU!!! to his queen, his fellow dwarf kind, Armok, and his pet cat, he decided to be an anti-Armok atheist coward and went back to the dormitory...to sleep...abandoning his half done task and leaving it to a more competent and trust worthy mechanic to complete (which is no one by the way). Thou his failure, he bought the fortress time to move to plan B, his effort was rewarded with solitary confinement, scored a popularity rating of -100, a certificate on being the first swimmer of the fort and  nominated on the dwarffy award on "Deserter of The Year" catagory.

The snobby self elected nobles, not knowing how to handle the situation, ordered a hasty construction of a wall. Long story short, dramas on caravan not being able to find way to the depot, soap opera, domeo and duliet, machiavelli scenario happening on the fort, the wall was never finished on time, fun occured, the whole fort drowned...except Urist mc Deserter in his solitary confinement, he dug out of his VIP lounge to the dry surface and find that there is still hope for the fort, the cause, and dwarven casper children ghosts OOOH! THE TOMBLESS CASPERs!!! Naaah, who cares, he doesn't. He stepped out and breath in the fresh air, roll around the green grass, stare right to the nauseating sun, vomit a few times, and realize that there is a moral and lesson to be learn here for all dorfkins...that is, he would, if he wasn't mangled by the Goblin warband ridah who came to da hood with their buffed out, pimped beak dog Itasha rides the moment his pick punched through the surface muds and run around pathetically. 

Something i wrote 3am in the morning about my dangerous experiment fort few years ago, forgive the messed-upedness, this is more of a relieve to my insomnia rather than a proper DF story. ; D